we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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