apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
