and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
