I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
