Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize