I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Randomize
