I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
i now understand why vodka
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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