well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
