You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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