Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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