So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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