I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
