Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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