I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
