just come out here and I will go home with you...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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