It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
