You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
