My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
