sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
