id be glad to
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
