I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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