If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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