I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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