I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
