Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
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