It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
