how can u be prego again
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
