Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
