the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize