i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
