She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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