i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
