I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
