Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
