i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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