He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
