is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
