i was rollin on her like bob the builder
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
