what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I didn't notice because vodka
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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