i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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