i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
