You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
