i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
