I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
