mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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