Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We don't watch enough power rangers
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
