he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
