Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
from now on my penis is your penis
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
