I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
