I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
