Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
