where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
