We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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