I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
