Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
