If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
