I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
