I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
