Christians are straight up FREAKS
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
