LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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