It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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