For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
