and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
