just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
