I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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