Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
