Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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