what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
