dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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