I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize