ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
