Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
