Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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