Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
