1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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