We're like a lot better than the average bears
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
