I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm at about main and main street
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
