I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Randomize
