it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
