i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Randomize
