why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
