I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
