Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
