I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
