I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
